Questions
by Suffering Angel
Summary: Post first game Monstro. Lying awake at night, Sora can't help but think about Riku and the offered hand he turned down. Now, he has to ask himself questions he cannot answer, despite having known the answers since Riku offered him that Paopu.


I don't own Kingdom Hearts, neither plot nor characters.

They belong to someone whom I worship.

* * *

**_Questions_**

**__**

_Why didn't I go with you?_  
That seemingly simple question kept me up through the night, and now the sun's about to rise again.  
Guess it's sleep on the Gummi ship for me again...  
There's just this one question I know I still won't be able to answer when I wake up, though.  
But you're not here for me to ask you 'why'.  
Such a simple, stupid question that I just can't answer...  
Not on my own.  
You'd have called me a goofball, or a dummy, or just laughed, just because I 'amuse' you like that...  
But you're not laughing or teasing. Because you're not here.  
And I'm losing sleep over it.

_Why didn't I go with you?_  
Truth be told? ...you'd laugh at that, too.  
We were always each other's bests, firsts, sometimes onlies...  
I couldn't bring myself to being your second.  
I didn't wanna lose...  
Least of all to a puppet without strings.  
I didn't want to think I wasn't as good as a boy who didn't know any better, so I told myself my heart was wrong, that _you_ were wrong...  
That it was much better having a conscious.  
I guess... that's what made me lose sight of you again.

I lost _you_, didn't I? I can tell that much. Like we were playing Hide and Seek when when were little, only now the hiding places are all the stars in the sky.  
You're really intent on not letting me find you, though...  
And I'm left here to try and tell myself I'm not really alone.

_If I had went with you_... What would it have been like?  
Would it all be like it used to be? The best of friends, even better rivals, constantly besting each other in ways no one else ever could? The closest of people, saying it all without speech? With barely a whisper? Not even... a glance?  
And still... when talking, leaving so much unsaid...

The balance was 5 to 3 when we left the islands... and a part of me wants you to settle the score.  
Why else am I running? Why else am I swinging this sword, this... this _blade_?  
If reaching you meant I lost you... made you think I left you behind...  
Then...  
Then you should've said so from the start!!!  
...Great... now I'm getting miffed... and it's all your fault!  
Your fault for disappearing in Traverse Town...  
Your fault for going with Pinocchio inside of Monstro...  
Your fault for just reaching out your hand to me instead of grabbing my wrist and dragging me along.  
But you didn't do that.  
Instead, you just ran away.  
Took my confused silence as a 'no' and took that as your answer.  
You really _are_ stupid; you know I'm silly like that... so silly, I'm stuck here, and you're there... _some_where... and I don't even know if you're alive, or...

...

_I should've gone with you_.  
Chased after you, called your name...  
Held on and never let go.  
See, I'm... probably... not as strong as you.  
I know that.  
Still, I could've helped! Looked out for you, watched your back...  
Gave you a reason not to lose your heart.  
Guess I... ended up screwing up on that one, huh?  
You left, using _her_ as an excuse...  
Left me here to fight my shadows, yelling at you to look - rather than at them - but at me...  
And you... you never once even looked back.  
You can stop that, you know.  
Stop running away and hiding like that.  
We should be working together, helping each other... _be_... together...  
Since I don't ever wanna see you go away again.  
Don't ever want you turning away from me like that...  
Since I can't bear the hate in your eyes when you look at me.  
I guess I just... don't want to lose you to something as silly and ridiculous as the Darkness.  
To make sure that won't happen, I...  
I'll go with you.  
_I really... want to go with you._  
Be there for you, laugh with you, support and be supported by you...  
Like it always had been.  
I'll puff my cheeks when you best me, and you'll pretend you don't know the scratches on my legs and arms are from me working my hardest to catch up to you.  
I'll try and be the smiling goofball you need me to be because you're just too good, too damn _cool_ to smile...  
So...  
So I'll just smile for the both of us! I'll laugh, and cheer, and grin, and yell for... for even three people! You'll see! Just...  
Just...  
Just be there to see it! Stay around long enough for me to see you... to reach you...  
To...  
Stop you.

Don't go that deep into the Darkness without me, Riku.

I'm not like you; I'm scared of the dark.  
I'm... scared of _you_.  
Of losing you.  
So, so scared...

I promise I won't cry.  
And I swear I also won't complain.  
And I definitely won't hold you back.  
I promise I won't talk about my new friends again. I'll... I'll forget about them!  
Because I never could forget you... not even if I really wanted to.  
Because I only wield this blade to get to you...  
To be with you again...  
Riku...  
_Can I come with you?_  
Please...  
The Darkness is so much less scary if I'm with you...


End file.
